He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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