ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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