I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize