Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
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He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
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When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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