Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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