Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You're like the curious george of whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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