Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I need to sanitize my soul.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize