i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
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we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
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I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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