omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
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i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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