It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize