im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize