Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize