My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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