she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize