so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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