Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
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Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
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I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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