can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
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A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
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There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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