My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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