the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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