I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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