i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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