i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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