I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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