Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry my hands just texted you
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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