got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
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she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
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Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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