the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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