Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize