Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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