you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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