Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
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All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
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I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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