so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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