Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
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the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
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Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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