I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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