i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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