I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize