you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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