So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
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I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
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Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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