he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
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What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
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We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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