I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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