2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
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Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
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And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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