Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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