I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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