The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Oh god it's open bar.
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