This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
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Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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