I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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