I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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