"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
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I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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