we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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