So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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