There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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